Let’s get honest.

Let’s get real and honest. I’m not going to sit and pretend the past 3 weeks have been easy because for the first time in a long time they haven’t been. I spent nearly a week in bed feeling numb and isolated and it literally came out of nowhere! I can’t pretend that ‘I don’t know why I felt like this’ because there are a few reasons and some of which I don’t feel comfortable going into right now but one things for sure, it was shit. I slipped into a state of depression that led me to abandoning my personal care, ignoring family and friends and left me with the biggest puffiest bags under my eyes. This also resulted in me losing my appetite (which also led to my eating disorder thoughts creeping back in… see how things can easily spiral?).

I felt completely powerless and confused because ‘how can I be so depressed when there’s so many positive things happening in my life right now’… well that’s the shit thing about depression, you can have the world at your feet and still feel broken. Sucks huh! I’m lucky that this episode of depression didn’t last for more than a week because quite frankly it was exhausting! With that being said, and a lot of encouragement from good friends I managed to drag myself out of bed and start to make small but effective changes. It was a slow process but I reassured myself that even if I took 100 baby steps to get to my end goal (which was to basically to function like a 'normal' human again) then at least I got there. No matter how long it took.
Since then I’ve made a conscious effort to surrounded myself with positive people and situations and although that doesn’t solve all my problems, it is definitely refreshing. Despite that crappy week I do have many exciting things happening in my life right now including new job opportunities and little things here and there to help me better myself and my outlook on the future. So despite feeling lost for a while I feel like I'm being guided back to a good place. One of many important lessons I have learnt in the past year is that having self-belief and compassion towards yourself is the most precious thing you can reward yourself with… Trust me!
I want to end this post by saying that, it IS ok to not be ok and I’m not here to judge how you deal with the situations life throws at you. What I am here to tell you though is that things DO get better and sometimes, although it’s hard to admit, perseverance in recovery is key.