So hello I’m back (cue the party poppers and champagne).
On The 27th February, I celebrated being free from hospital for a whole year and it was a day that I anxiously awaited. I came out of hospital feeling motivated and ready to recover and I kept the promise to myself to work damn hard to stabilise my mental well-being. And I have. There have been bumps in the road, understandably, however I’ll get into that a bit later in this post.
Whilst in hospital, I made a long list of goals of things I wanted to do/achieve when I was discharged. Some things were smaller things and some things on the list where things I have dreamt of achieving for the past 7 years. The list was so long so I wont write down everything, but here are the bigger things that I have achieved from February 2018 until now:
- I fell in love with the cutest guy EVER and he makes me so beyond happy. The past 8 and a half months have been amazing having him by my side.
- I also started doing the Access to Higher Education social science course at college which consists of psychology, sociology and criminology and I am only 6 weeks away from finishing and getting my final grades.
- I went on my dream holiday to Rome (with my bf) and it was everything I expected and more.
- I moved into my own flat. After years of hospital admissions and months of being in a supported accommodation, I moved into my flat with the help from my family and friends and it is now all homely. I totally feel like an adult now… lol I also got over excited about getting new cutlery sets and buying a new hoover??
- I also started volunteering as a Therapy Assistant in the hospital where I spent time as a patient (And I LOVE it!!). I feel grateful to be given this opportunity because it has really helped me decide that being an Occupational Therapist is what I want to do as a career.
- In October 2018, I ran the Manchester ½ marathon and in 2 hours and 35 minutes! I am so unbelievable proud of myself considering by mile 11 I wanted to just give up. But I was running in memory of my friend Kayley and I managed to raise over £400 for Mind so giving up was not an option. Crossing that finish line was the most emotional yet empowering moment of my life to this date.
- I passed my driving test in November. The freedom I have now is amazing and I never imagined whilst being detained under the mental health act for 2 years of my life that I’d ever feel free again. Every time I get into my car I have a few seconds of realisation that the freedom I have now literally at my fingertips was due to hard work and perseverance.
- Lastly and most exciting of all, I have been accepted into University by both Northampton and Coventry to study Occupational Therapy which I will start in September. Northampton as my first choice and Coventry as my back up.
After years of these things just being a list of goals to achieve ‘eventually’, I am proud to say that I have achieved so many. Ticking these off one by one during my first year of recovery has been the most fulfilling thing and is a constant reminder of why I keep fighting.
So despite having the most amazing year so far in recovery, there have also been periods of time where I have felt unmotivated, had dips in the road and lost sight of where I was going. (Which is more than ok).
Some days I question my worth, and I breakdown due to the stress and pressure of education and I get overwhelming feelings of being unworthy of love and support. In these times I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that these feeling and intense thoughts are temporary.
I feel like you have to hit those low points in life to then be able to enjoy the higher points.
Overall, this year has been a year of growth, acceptance and at times deep sadness, but I have learnt so much about myself and my journey along the way and I feel so mentally ready to continue challenging life.
Each day that goes by I remind myself that I am Taneesha and my mental health will NOT define me. I am in control.
Please also remember; your mental health does not define you either, you are YOU and no one/no mental illness can take that away from you.
Keep growing.
Keep achieving.
and remember… YOU are worthy of recovery.
